COLLABORATING - Retraining Our Instinctual Reactions to Conflict

If you take nothing else from this episode, take this:

Peace does not come from avoiding conflict. Peace comes from avoiding destructive reactions, and retraining ourselves to react constructively instead.

3 Circle Exercise

Smallest Inner ("Core") Circle --> 3-5 primary pieces of your identity as an individual

Next, Wider Circle --> 3-5 important pieces of your identity that aren't central to your core

Third, Widest Circle --> 3-5 pieces of yourself that play a large role in your life, but are not quite as central to your identity

Remember:

1. This diagram will change and shift throughout your life
2. It can contain anything that you feel is central and valuable to your identity.
3. The closer something is to the center of the diagram, the more central it is to your core identity, and the more it will feel like an attack when someone threatens it.

Most Common Destructive Reactions:

Active --

• Winning at All Costs
• Blind Anger/Rage
• Demeaning Others
• Retaliating

Passive --

• Avoiding
• Accomodating
• Hiding Important Emotions
• Self-Criticizing

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